Dirty Little Secret

The words to the song by the All American Rejects, "I'll keep you my dirty little secret...Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret...My dirty little secret," are something I have come across in my dating life. There are some girls who don't fall for this game, but some that want to experience love so bad that they hold on to anything they can get.

I figured out why some guys pursue this tactic while watching an episode of Sex and the City. A guy does this to a girl who has certain qualities he looks for in a girlfriend, but who doesn't live up to all of them. He can experience these good qualities in secret, so he will not be ashamed of the bad qualities in public around other people.

I had an experience similar to this with the Quality Control Guy. I am referring to him as this because he worked in quality control at Tyson and clearly he has control issues concerning quality. The Quality Control Guy would tell me how beautiful I was all the time with the "if only you would lose weight" right behind it. I don't know why I was so desparate at the time that I would put up with this, but I did. He would ignore me at work then call me after work and tell me to come over to his house. I would go over there and we would have amazing sex. The part that came after the sex always made me feel rejected though. Immediately following sex, he would pull away and go get in the shower. I literally felt like his "dirty little secret."

Then every once in awhile he would do things that would make me stay. He even went as far as introducing me to his daughters and eating dinner at a restaurant with my family. Then a few days later he would revert back to keeping me a secret. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I even lost 20 pounds while we were dating. I have now come to realize that no matter what I did nothing would have made him happy. I simply wasn't who he wanted no matter how hard he tried to make me fit in his life or I in his. The last straw was when people at work started finding out about us and he told them that I was just his babysitter. Hence the only reason I got to meet his daughters was so that I would look like a fool because no one believed my side of the story.

Hopefully if anyone of you are in a situation similar to this you will realize that there is nothing you can do. You are great just the way you are! I believe there is someone out there for everyone and I simply just wasn't meant for this guy. No one should have to change themselves to be something to someone else.